What’s your type? A guide for the modern professional

Once upon a time, if someone wanted to know you better, they asked for your sign. Libra. Sagittarius. Whatever.

Later, Myers-Briggs types had their day in the sun. You proudly told everyone you were an INTJ. Or an ESFP. (I told people I’m an ESPN: I watch a lot of sports.)

Today, you can use technical documentation types to let others know what makes you tick.

You don’t even have to be a technical writer to play.

You’re a policies and procedures manual if your ducks are always in a row. People might say you’re rigid. But there’s never a situation in which you don’t know exactly what to do.

You’re a chatbot if you accost everyone you meet with “Hi! Thanks for using the sidewalk today!” Your real name is Philomena, but you tell people it’s Amy.

You’re a sales brochure if you’re the flashiest, most flamboyant person at the party. If someone’s looking for depth, however, they’ll have to look elsewhere.

A visit from St. Techwriter

Apologies to Clement Moore

‘Twas the night before deadline and all through the lab
Not a snack was uneaten — not even a Nab.

The team all were frantic, like bees in a hive —
In just a few hours the site would go live.

The software was bug-free — well, maybe not quite.
But mostly, we figured, it ought to work right.

The UI was kludgy, with widgets and stuff.
But our tech guys said ship it so that was enough.

The specs had been written, then roundly ignored.
To take time to read them no one could afford.

Ready or not, out the product would roll:
Just barely good enough, that was our goal.

When down by the break room arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bench to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew, scared to death:
Gazed into the darkness and drew in my breath.

When what did my wondering eyeballs espy:
But a white Lamborghini, and that car could fly.

It circled the lot like a bat out of Hades
And landed right next to my boss’s Mercedes.

Its chrome wheels were shiny; its leather seats, red.
TECHDOCS the out-of-state license plate said.

And then when the driver hopped out from inside ‘er,
I knew I was seeing a technical writer.

His eyes they were sunglassed; his goatee was trimmed.
His cheeks they were shallow; his build it was slim.

His droll little mouth was drawn up in a smirk,
And he carried a laptop — he’d come to do work.

A cup of espresso he held to his lips
And as he strode toward me he took little sips.

When his eyes locked on mine I knew in my heart
That our shiny new product was doomed from the start.

His countenance told me — I couldn’t refuse it —
The product won’t sell if nobody can use it.

Then he sat himself down by the Pepsi machine,
And took out his laptop, his bearing serene.

And wrote, like a sprinter come out of the blocks:
User guide. Help pages. API docs.

More rapid than eagles his writing tools came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

“Now, DITA! Now, oXygen, InDesign, Flare!
Now FrameMaker, RoboHelp, even freeware!”

Then, laying his finger aside of his head,
And giving a nod, to the parking lot fled.

And I heard him exclaim ere he drove out of sight,
RTFM to all, and to all a good night.

A tale told in 5 emails

Act I

From: Larry Kunz
Sent: Tuesday, December 13, 2016 10:31 AM
To: Robin Bateman, Administrative Assistant
Subject: Coffee machine broken

Hi, Robin.

The coffee maker on the first floor is not working – it reports “error 360.” Can you have someone look at it, please?

This is the machine that brews the pouches.

Thanks,
Larry Kunz
Lead Technical Writer

Act II

From: Robin Bateman
Sent: Tuesday, December 13, 2016 11:35 AM
To: Susie Austen, Acme Coffee Co.
cc: Jack Wheeler, Senior Manager, Facilities
Subject: FW: Coffee machine broken

See Below…

Robin Bateman

[quoted text]
From: Larry Kunz
Sent: Tuesday, December 13, 2016 10:31 AM
To: Robin Bateman
Subject: Coffee machine broken

Hi, Robin.

The coffee maker on the first floor is not working – it reports “error 360.” Can you have someone look at it, please?

[end quoted text]

Act III

From: Jack Wheeler
Sent: Tuesday, December 13, 2016 12:13 PM
To: Robin Bateman; Larry Kunz; Susie Austen
Subject: RE: Coffee machine broken

Did you check to see if its just a jam? Code 360 is a Jam! Check when emptying the Container and see if any packets are stuck in the top or hanging in the machine!? Cmon!

Jack Wheeler

Act IV

From: Larry Kunz
Sent: Tuesday, December 13, 2016 12:25 PM
To: Jack Wheeler; Robin Bateman
Subject: RE: Coffee machine broken

It looks like someone down here figured it out – the machine is working OK now.

WIBNI if the display had said “clear the jam” rather than “call operator – error 360.”

Anyway, all’s well that ends well. And now I know what error 360 means.

Larry Kunz
Lead Technical Writer

Act V

From: Jack Wheeler
Sent: Wednesday, December 14, 2016 8:57 AM
To: Robin Bateman
Cc: Larry Kunz
Subject: RE: Coffee machine broken

Robin;
Please make a laminated sign for each of the Acme Barista Coffee Makers (3 total) indicating the following:

“Code 360 = Jammed pouch in the collection tub”!
Remove tub, empty,
Return tub and system will reset.

Thank you.

Jack Wheeler

Epilog

So another poorly-designed user experience was vanquished — papered over with documentation. And the people rejoiced, because they had their coffee again.

Yet darkness remained over the land.

Exeunt omnes

4 ways to get the most out of your SMEs

For as long as I can remember, and probably from time immemorial, we technical communicators have struggled in our relationships with subject-matter experts (SMEs). Sometimes the results are humorous. Often they’re painful.

When I teach Tech Comm at Duke University, I use this photo of sumo wrestlers to illustrate the struggle. Yet I also hasten to assure my students that it’s not always this way — nor does it have to be.

How can you work with your SMEs to increase the degree of cooperation and limit the pushing and shoving? Here are four principles that’ve helped me.

You Have a Right to Ketchup and Salt

Did you see the news story about the Florida chef who refuses to let his patrons put ketchup and salt on their burgers?

If you’re older than 10, says chef Xavier Duclos, you have no business adding any flavoring to the dishes I’ve prepared. I’m the chef. You have to trust my judgment. And that’s that.

If I were a customer of Mr. Duclos’, I’d beg to differ. Having plunked down $12.95 for one of his burgers (that’s the going rate, according to his menu), I’d say that I’d bought the right to season my food as I liked.

Mr. Duclos has heard that argument, and he rejects it. At best he and I would agree to disagree.

At the same time, I understand where Mr. Duclos is coming from.

Granite Countertops and Stainless Steel Appliances

Though it’s probably the most low-key reality show on television, HGTV’s House Hunters has uncovered an overwhelming, and heretofore unknown, passion lurking deep in the American psyche.

The show follows a set formula. A real estate agent asks the home buyers how much money they have to spend and what features they want. Then we watch as they tour three homes, commenting pro and con on each one. After the buyers choose one of the homes, we visit with them post-move and hear them tell us how happy they are with their choice.

The overwhelming passion expresses itself in the features they want. Every buyer, to a man (or woman), wants the kitchen to have granite countertops and stainless steel appliances. Things that look great but are pricey and don’t make the kitchen any more functional or easier to cook in.

Anyway, I got to thinking: What are the granite countertops and stainless steel appliances of technical communication? What are the things that every company, every client, wants to see in their technical and marketing communication projects — regardless of cost or actual business value?

And what should be on everyone’s wish list — but too often isn’t considered?