As a public service, and to provide some respite in the midst of a long winter, I’m proud to present this comprehensive collection of “walks into a bar” jokes for professional writers. Feel free to use them without attribution. Please use them without attribution.
A technical writer walks into a bar. He says:
- Put an empty glass under the tap marked Heineken.
- Pull the lever on the tap.
- When the glass is full, push the lever back.
- Hand me the glass.
Image source: Tom Mason via Divus Studio London (www.divus.cc)
A minimalist technical writer walks into a bar. She says: Beer.
A web-content writer walks into a bar, and you won’t believe what happens next.
Past, present, and future walk into a bar. The atmosphere grows tense.
A bar is walked into by the passive voice.
A simile and a metaphor walk into a bar, like fog coming in on little cat feet.
The Oxford comma walks out of a bar — leaving behind my parents, Eleanor Roosevelt and Winston Churchill.
Ambiguity walks into a bar. When the bartender sees it, he wipes his glasses.
Redundancy walks into a bar, hops onto a stool, and takes a seat.
A comma splice walks into a bar, it asks for a glass of Bourbon.
A split infinitive tries to surreptitiously walk into a bar, but it gets bounced.
Crowded with happy patrons, a dangling modifier walks into a bar.
After hotly pursuing a hearse, a pun walks into a bar and asks if anyone wants a bier chaser.
Roget paces, steps, and strides into a tavern, pub, or other drinking establishment.
A scholarly writer’s perambulatory movements culminate with his entry into a commercial establishment designed for individual persons to engage in social interaction while consuming distilled spirits.
A writer walks into a bar.
A writer walks into a bar, who?
A writer walks into a bar and realizes he’s chosen the wrong presentation format.