A playful blogger walks into a bar

As a public service, and to provide some respite in the midst of a long winter, I’m proud to present this comprehensive collection of “walks into a bar” jokes for professional writers. Feel free to use them without attribution. Please use them without attribution.

A technical writer walks into a bar. He says:

1. Put an empty glass under the tap marked Heineken.
2. Pull the lever on the tap.
3. When the glass is full, push the lever back.
4. Hand me the glass.

Image source: Tom Mason via Divus Studio London (www.divus.cc)

A minimalist technical writer walks into a bar. She says: Beer.

A web-content writer walks into a bar, and you won’t believe what happens next.

Past, present, and future walk into a bar. The atmosphere grows tense.

A bar is walked into by the passive voice.

A simile and a metaphor walk into a bar, like fog coming in on little cat feet.

The Oxford comma walks out of a bar — leaving behind my parents, Eleanor Roosevelt and Winston Churchill.

Ambiguity walks into a bar. When the bartender sees it, he wipes his glasses.

Redundancy walks into a bar, hops onto a stool, and takes a seat.

A comma splice walks into a bar, it asks for a glass of Bourbon.

A split infinitive tries to surreptitiously walk into a bar, but it gets bounced.

Crowded with happy patrons, a dangling modifier walks into a bar.

After hotly pursuing a hearse, a pun walks into a bar and asks if anyone wants a bier chaser.

Roget paces, steps, and strides into a tavern, pub, or other drinking establishment.

A scholarly writer’s perambulatory movements culminate with his entry into a commercial establishment designed for individual persons to engage in social interaction while consuming distilled spirits.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
A writer walks into a bar.
A writer walks into a bar, who?
A writer walks into a bar and realizes he’s chosen the wrong presentation format.